Someone’s a little bitter about having his twitter record broken.
I want to make an exit like this someday.
Some of Ellen’s favorite tweets of the week. [video]
the older and taller u r the more attracted i am to u
*Abraham Lincoln rises from his grave*
U got kik?
so i saw this and the first thing i thought of was “WOULDN’T THIS HURT THO” and i was really concerned about how uncomfortable this thing would be until i realized
i was at Claire’s
it was just a pen
i cannot believe i broke 1000 folloWers overnight because of a post about a goddamn rAINBOW CACTUS DILDO PEN
This is one of my favorite posts because that cat’s fucking name is fucking meatloaf
just replace all police with police dogs
nobody would be mean or rude the police imagine a dog with a lil’ backpack giving you a ticket. you can’t get mad at the dog. the dog is just doing his lil’ dog job and wagging his tail and you KNOW he loves you still.
SO AT WORK TODAY I WALKED IN AND MY MANAGER WAS ON THE GROUND CRYING AND I WAS LIKE KIM WHAT’S WRONG AND SHE POINTS TO THE ORDER SCREEN AND IT SAYS WE NEED TO MAKE 2000 PIZZAS BY 6 PM SO I CALLED THE GUY AND HE WAS LIKE “I MEANT TO ORDER 20 PIZZAS OH MY GOD I’M SO SORRY I’M ON MOBILE” AND I’VE NEVER LAUGHED THAT HARD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE
Straight iced a motherfucker.
dont u dare treat ur animals like shit in front of me i will end ur life son